Yiling Ding - Infatuations

I haven't felt like this in a long time.
Just when I started believing
that I was immune to love
that I was too cold,
too closed up inside for love
You strike into my heart and
burn open the hole that I thought
was closed forever.
It feels bloody pathetic
to know that all my efforts
to remain distanced from emotions
just got blown up again.
And you're not even all that cute.

Now I can't sleep at night
because my mind runs off on its own
with the secret fantasy
that you love me too.
I can't sleep at night
because my mind's too busy
spinning possibilities
to meet you again.

I cling onto that thin connection
that ties us together
almost as eagerly, desperately
pathetically
as I'd cling onto the only branch
that keeps me from falling to hell.
If you had any clue,
I'm sure you'd despise me.

Fervently I wait for
a word from you.
All this waiting drives me
to the verge of insanity.
You have no idea
how much everything you say
means to me
I crave a word, a message from you
as badly as I crave salvation.
In fact
if I could just hear your voice
if you would just talk to me
I think I would be saved.
At least you would be easing
all this empty fire that is
consuming me.

I thought I was rational
and that I would never feel like this again.
You just proved me wrong.
Infatuations really suck.

Yiling Ding

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/infatuations/