when does the pretending end

A message to (anyone) feeling this way: 'when does the pretending end,everyday get up hoping the day will be different. each day i have to hide what i am feeling and the thoughts that i have.each day is the same even if i do something different that day. could i say i feel this way cuz i am alone maybe.talked today to my therapist or at least tried to talk to her. i know everyone says i just should say whats going on and i have but i didn't think she believes that i would do anything. but i am so to the point i didn't care anymore. that i just want this life to end.the therapist says some small part of me wants to live but i have no clue where that part is. the only reason i am still around is i made a promise to a friend. and i so wish that friend would let go. why do i want to die im not sure besides from i cant deal with remembering my past that i think i just take up space. can say i have no life no reason to be, no reason for life. so i guess what i am saying is i have had enough of this life time to take the next ed step. no one can say i didn't give it a few mores days or even a few more years i have and its not a preeminent solution to a temporary problem its a solution to a long term problem one that doesn't get any better.

thanks to those of you who have talked to me before or answered post. real sorry to let anyone down.
dark wolf'