Wandering Scarlet - Hope

ive thought to myself
why do i bother living
what am i waiting for
why do i stall
but i still hesitate
hesitate to end it
i hesitate because i still hope
i still wonder
what if i miss something
what if something better will come along
what if i find a cure
then i wold have ended it in vain
then there would have been no point in finishing it
there was still a chance
and i missed it
i wasted my life
what do i have to show of my time
nothing
i should have stayed
i'm such an idiot
why did i give up
why did i loose hope
why didn't i just be strong
it could have gotten better
but instead i give up
and bring pain
not only to myself
but those who supposedly cared for me
who loved me but never told me
how could i have been so foolish
how could i have been so selfish
what did i gain out of it
nothing
i only lost
lost my life
lost my chance of happiness
lost my chance of hope
how could i do this to myself
everything i thought was wrong
i wasn't alone
people did care for me
people would have missed me
i was noticed
how was i unaware of all this
why didn't anybody tell me
why did they let me suffer
why...

Wandering Scarlet

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/hope-101/