Nintendo 2DS review: handheld drops a dimension

Nintendo had seemed to be on an upward trajectory: Gameboy Classic, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo 3DS XL, and now Nintendo 2DS. If you were the type to compulsively draw line graphs, that last sentence would have looked like a soaring eagle, suddenly sucked into the engine of a B-52 and pooped out a charred Yoshi turd.

The thing is called 2DS because it renders games in the second dimension! Wow! I've been there! In fact, I think I was there in 1989 when I was playing Tetris on the first Gameboy while wearing Air Jordans with the running shorts/headband combo, and actually looking cool! People would have said, "Say, boy! How did you take that home video game entertainment system outside to enjoy on the go? Also, did you hear that the Berlin Wall has fallen, because it's 1989 and that's a current event that we would plausibly discuss, why not?"

Instead, it's 2013 and I can stand at the bus stop with my amazing 2DS while wearing a single flipflop and a double breasted blazer from Salvation Army. Then people won't say shiz to me! They'll just throw coins or possibly call Bill Gates to tell him somebody ripped off a Chadian child for his portable video game system.

But, for serious ya'll, 2DS is a good thing for people who can only see in two dimensions, like those with eye patches or possibly dogs. So, if you've got a special pirate in your life and you're looking for a holiday gift for under a buck and a quarter, then Nintendo's got just the POS for you!

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