Jay M. Johar - Black Ashes

'This isn't the way I wanted it! '

He threw the rock in his hand into the distance.
He watched with a quiet anger as the rock
Got swallowed whole by the fading golden horizon.
No, this wasn't how he wanted it,
But there was no way he could've changed it.

The weight on his mind felt too much to bear.
All he could do was collapse onto the sand
And curl himself up, closing his eyes,
Wishing that the next time he opened his eyes,
Things would be different.
Wishing that she'd be there,
Looking at him, smiling.

Walking towards him,
Slowly placing her hand
On her shoulder,
Asking what's wrong.

But alas, he knew that was just wishful thinking.
His reluctant tears revealed a tortured soul
Unwilling to open his eyes and face the world,
His clenching fists revealed a man filled
With anger and spite, mostly at himself.
This was all his fault, he knew that fact well enough.
He learned that the hard way.

The cigarette butt in his other hand
Was crumbling into black ashes.
He didn't smoke, the cigarette wasn't his.
The glow on this one has faded a long time ago.
It has glowed slowly into ashes,
Never to glow again.

Immense melancholy blanketed his heart,
The rolling tears growing stale.
Eyes red he wiped his tears away.
Whatever becomes of him after this,
It was his to decide.

Jay M. Johar

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/black-ashes/