Amy Carmichael - the commitment phobe

I feel so alone.
I have you in school, you’re there in maths,
You help me so much-I’m hopeless at graphs.
That smile lights up my world and you share so much,
But the bell rings so early-then you’re out of touch.

Lunch. You sit beside me and how do I tell you,
How much it means that you’re there when I’m blue?
You really don’t know how connected I feel,
Like this friendship was bound and fixed with a seal.

But.
You’re not there when I need you, and it breaks my heart,
You’re occupied with others, with drama, with art.
I get a look-in and you’re terrified someone will bind you,
Will you ever find Love? Or will you walk away too?

To me you opened you’re heart but you’re so special
To special to live. To special to die.
To special to drink alone and sigh

This second you’re touched
But then you change-‘I mean so much…’
So your eyes flicker, that automatic smile,
Tho underneath you’re thinking, ‘I wish she’d leave for a while’

I’ll walk away if that will make you happy.
I didn’t mean to let you mean so much you see.
You’re so special, I wish I was special.
But I’m just a creep, I’m just a weirdo.

Amy Carmichael

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-commitment-phobe/