Thomas Moore - Ode to the Sublime Porte

Great Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions!
And oh, above all, I admire that Decree,
In which thou command'st, that all she politicians
Shall forthwith be strangled and cast in the sea.

'Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster -
A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts;
Who talks, with a lisp, of the 'last new Westminster,'
And hopes you're delighted with 'Mill upon Gluts';

Who tells you how clever one Mr. Fun-blank is,
How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility; -
And assures you that even a gentleman's rank is,
In Jeremy's school, of no sort of utility.

To see her, ye Gods, a new number perusing -
Art. 1 - 'On the Needle's variations', by Pl-e;
Art. 2 - By her fav'rite Fun-blank - so amusing!
'Dear man! he makes poetry quite a Law case.'

Art. 3 -'Upon Fallacies', Jeremy's own -
(Chief Fallacy being, his hope to find readers); -
Art. 4 - 'Upon Honesty', author unkown; -
Art. 5 - (by the young Mr. M-) 'Hints to Breeders'.

Oh, Sultan, oh, Sultan, though oft for the bag
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call -
Though drowning's too good for each blue-stocking hag,
I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!

And, lest she should ever again lift her head
From the watery bottom, her clack to renew -
As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead,
I would hang round her neck her own darling Review.

Thomas Moore

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/ode-to-the-sublime-porte-2/