The Astronomer - Pebble

I'm pitching my present into the void of the past,
Like pebbles into a lake.

Holding each pebble, agonizing over it.
What's the best thing to do with it?
Will this be the pebble that will miraculously skip over the water to the other side,
Where happiness lies waiting?

But then the pebble turns to lead in my hand
and I can hardly lift it.
My fingers let go and it splashes into the water,
sinking swiftly to the bottom.
For a moment I can't breathe.
What just happened? What have I done?
I stand paralyzed. And then,

My breathing eases.

I take a deep breath in, followed by a deep breath out.
I look around,
then down at the remaining pile of pebbles piled next to me.
There are still quite a few left.

Relief and dread fill me, my mind warring with my heart.
Then I shrug. I can't undo what's been done,
and I can't have back what I've lost.
Just get on with it. Better luck next time.

I feel lighter.

I reach down for another pebble and stop.
Lighter. In this moment I feel lighter.
When I pick up another pebble, I'll be weighed down again.
I'll be at war with myself again. Best to leave it be, right?

But there's a compulsion to pick up another one, to DO something with it.
To lift it up in hope, risk the disappointment.
I reach down again. Stop again. What if..
What if I push them all into the lake at once?

The Astronomer

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/pebble-11/