St. Patrick's Day Characters: Started Too Early

Each and every St. Patty's Day, there are those who start drinking at happy hour, whereas others start drinking at whatever hour they wake up. Kegs 'n' eggs, anyone? However, when someone gets drunk so ambitiously, it rarely ends well.

This guy is a bona fide holiday catastrophe. He might go to jail. He might get a public urination ticket. He might publicly urinate in his own pants. Either way, you're gonna want to avoid this buffoon at all costs. He's a menace, not only to society and to your buzz, but also to himself.

If one of your buddies winds up being Mr. Started-Too-Early, just throw in the white towel on his behalf and shove him into a cab. The thing about this guy is that, while on the surface he's rarin' to go, in actuality, the second he sits down in one place for more than four consecutive seconds, he's asleep like a big drunken baby.