Sruthi Sahadevan - Schizophrenia

I am in great pain,
Agony inexpressible…
Tired of being a burden,
An awful bane on this earth…
But life does not reject me,
Even though I am depressed and alone…
Blood flowing through my vein,
Tries to destruct me...
But I remain immortal…
My heart whims and wants to stop,
But can’t cos of the bloody curse...
My hands and legs beg
For permanent inactivity.
But their prayers remain unanswered…
My existence in vain,
Makes me lose all sanity…
A maniac walking the
Endless labyrinth…
Screeching, screaming…
Pleading for death...
My dilated pupils turn around,
Round and round...
The madness is spreading…
I can hear voices…
Speaking to me…
Asking me to die…
But can’t.
Don’t have the courage
I lock myself…
In a bleak corner…
I am going crazy…


Now the world’s looking bright,
All angels around me…
They are kneeling before me…
I am their king, God…
My insides filled with pleasure…
I am exclusive,
I am God, the Excellency,
The Almighty..
Angels move around me,
Tending to my needs..
Looking at me with respect…
Listening to my commands
Because that’s law.
I am happy, ecstatic…
I open my eyes….Alarmed cos I can’t
See my angels…
Where are they? ?
I am back in the darkroom…
No one to look after me…
Someone’s talking..
About death…
About suicide…
About me…
What’s going on with me? ? ? ?

Sruthi Sahadevan

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/schizophrenia-12/