Randy Johnson - I'm no superhero

I thought I was a superhero but I was wrong.
Unlike Superman, I'm not super strong.
I jumped off a building and tried to fly.
I hit the ground and darn nearly died.
When people saw me, I figured they'd say 'It's a bird. It's a plane! '
Sadly I learned that I'm not impervious to pain.
I tried to stop a convenience store robber and he blew off three of my toes.
Now I hop wherever I go.
A man gave me some green jello and I thought it was kryptonite.
I threw it in his face and we got in a fight.
I thought he'd get scared and flee.
But instead he beat the crap out of me.
I'm not superman, I'm not even Robert De Niro.
I learned the hard way that I'm no superhero.

Randy Johnson

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-m-no-superhero/