Randy Johnson - Fireworks mishaps

(This is a fictional poem)

On July the 4th I decided to light a firecracker with my cigarette.
It was something I soon lived to regret.
I accidentally threw my cigarette to the ground and put the firecracker in my mouth.
It exploded and all of my teeth came flying out.
After lighting a roman candle, the contents came down and burned off my hair.
Now my head is bald and scorched and everybody stares.
A bottle rocket flew up my shorts and blew off one of my nads.
Now I walk with a cane and I sure am mad.
I'm bald, sterile and I can no longer taste.
I'm not the man I used to be. What a waste.

Randy Johnson

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/fireworks-mishaps/