peter rodenby - Insecure

I met my first wife in the time I was going through
I now recognise was my first episode of depression.
I was eighteen years old
just returned from Europe after and extended holiday.
It was suppose to be my escape from mundane life
I had no intention of returning when I set of for Haarlem,
things rarely turn out the way you plan.

My councillor has told me
I am a type of person who looks on the world
as a half empty glass
rather than a half full one.
I attempt impossible tasks
only to fail
fulfilling my jaundiced view
a self perpetuated cycle of depression
following me
unfailing in its company since that time.

My experience then of life
has always been one of under achieving.
always wanting to do better
expecting more from a situation than is realistic
always unfailingly having to accept
second best
or in many cases
no place in the running at all.
This has meant of cause
I have not been an easy person to live with.

I would say that I have been,
continue to be
an insecure individual.
Prone to bleak moments,
despair
long days of dark depression.
The surprising aspect of my personality,
I have been able to present
a perfectly normal persona
most of the time
to my family and work colleagues.

peter rodenby

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/insecure-11/