Nicole Gehrman - Changing

Not liking what things are turning out to be.
Twisted things not coming out the right way.
I'm starting to change the real me.
My inner voice telling me to stay.

Becoming what others are expecting.
Making me think twice.
My image all distorted reflecting,
Back at me like unshaken dice.

Feelings starting to fade.
All the things I lack.
Mistakes being made,
With no turning back.

I would rather hurt,
Then feel nothing at all.
I say I feel like dirt.
So I brace myself for the fall.

I close my eyes and
Wait for the impact with the ground.
But it never comes, ‘cuz I can’t stand,
As everything spins around.

I remember everything,
It’s all so clear.
All the memories come flooding back with the tears they bring.
Of a once faraway place that I fear.

The secrets that were all pushed to the back.
Of who I used to be, before I turned fake.
As I pace in the black
Moonlight flickering off the lake.

As the pain washes over me.
Making me realize what I have been missing.
Pushing me back to the reason to be.
I light the fuse and turn to walk away, silently wishing.

Nicole Gehrman

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/changing-19/