Maegan Okrainec - Obscure Identity

CANNOT….. WILL NOT….. ACCEPT THE THINGS….. CHOICES THAT BROUGHT ME TO THIS PLACE. WHAT PLACE?
WHERE AM I?
HOW?
TRYING? .............BUT AM I?
TRYING WHAT?
WHY DONT I KNOW?
THEY SAW, BUT NO.
INVERTING THE SELF AND PRETENDING ARE WHAT IS SEEN AS NATURAL TO ME....
THE MASK FITS....
PROJECTING WHAT FITS....
LIVING EVERY MOMENT THIS WAY, PRETENDING, PROVIDING WHAT IS EXPECTED TO BE THAT OF THE SOCIETAL NORM.
ALMOST MORE THEN THAT, BURSTING WITH OPTOMISM, JOY, FAKE ENERGY....
NORM-MIRROR-MIMIC
TO PROVIDE EASE TO THOSE AROUND.
NO EASE-NO DELIGHT-NO DEFINITION
NO SELF!
THEY SPEAK OF TRUTH,
BUT WHAT IS IT?
WHERE DO I FIND IT?
GIVE IT? PROVIDE IT?
WHY AM I LOCKED INTO THIS SADNESS, THIS SELF DISTRUCTION.
THIS SELF INDULGENCE OF THE DARK PLEASURES?
WHAT SEEMS TO BE BY ONLY FRIEND,
UNCONDITIONAL…
THERE WHEN I NEED IT…
TRUE TO ME…
MINE AND ONLY MINE…
LOST, SO LOST, IN THE PLEASURE THATS BECOME MY CRYPTIC REALITY, UNSEEN AND UNKNOWN OF THAT,
THAT WHAT IS EARNED, DESERVED
WHAT ARE THESE ACTIONS DESERVING? WHY NOT JUST FOLLOW THE SIMPLICITY OF THE DECEPTION OF SELF,
THAT IS SO EFFORTLESS TO EASE THE PAIN,
THE DOMINATING STRENGTH WITHIN…
THE PAIN THAT OVERTOOK ALL,
ALL SENSE OF WHAT IS REAL AND DESERVING.
WHAT I TOOK TO BE THE ULTIMATE SUCCESSOR.
YEARNING FOR....
THEN CHANGED BY CONTROL, POWER, EVIL, LIES.
ELUDED BY THE SERPENT...
LONGING TO BE LOVED....
THE DESIRE TO BE WORTHY OF LOVE, DEVOTION, ADMIRATION, TRUST, PASSION, AND SECURITY.
TRICKED BY DECEIT...
DECEPTION OF SELF...
WEAKNESS OF THE HEART...
NOW, DESOLUTE, SEARCHING TO BLAME, RECTIFY AND PERVADE ALL THAT WAS ONCE THERE…
DESTROYING THE VIRTUOUS, AUTHENTICITY OF WHAT WAS DISCARDED UNVALUABLE…
NOW UNABLE TO WANT TO BE WORTHY, SCARED TO BE RAPED OF ALL ATTRIBUTES,
BUT WHAT ATTRIBUTES…
WHAT DRIVE…
WHAT PASSION…
By Maegan Angele Okrainec

Maegan Okrainec

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/obscure-identity/