Lonnie Hicks - Authenticity

I have this struggle with authenticity;
it pounds away at my consciousness,

I'm not really comfortable anywhere
and don't have much to say,
feel most alive
when over-emoting
or when yelling or screaming
being resentful too
feels better
than not being anything at all.

Some times I dip my oar
in the water
but refuse to row;

click on my passive face
and try not to count in the world;

cherish my secret secrets
which no one knows;
create my secret club
of just me and I-
a club of one.

I have this struggle with authenticity
just trying to find my way
to feel things out
trying to grow up
and be something,
anything
that feels real.

My mother says
'All this is normal'

Lonnie Hicks

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/authenticity-3/