Kat Tozer - the pain!

The pain grew and I began to experience suicidal thoughts.
I realized that life for me was at a desperate impasse.
I thought of the garage as a place where I might sit in the car and inhale carbon monoxide.
I’d look at the rafters in the attic and think of them as places where I might hang my self.
I looked at the sharps objects as being implements for my wrists.

Then I remembered all the good times I have had with my friends.
My thoughts for suicide seemed to fade into my mind.
That night I went out with my friends but the thoughts seemed to come back.
I could not escape them there were haunting me like a ghost with a debt to pay.
I got home. I felt alone like no one cared.

I ran to the bathroom and locked the door.
I saw it in all its glory to stop my pain and suffering.
I take the handle gripping it tight.
I hear people at the door banging and yelling at me not to do it.
But they don’t care. They don’t love me.

I look down at my perfectly white wrist, and with one slash,
I open my wrist the cut is deep I am bleeding more than u can imagine.
I grip the handle with all my strength with the hand I had just cut my wrist with.
I mange to slash down my wrist.
I fall to the floor in a heap. I have done it. I am dying.
I dropp the knife beside me and smile as my friends knock down the door.
One of them falls to the floor crying. And start to crawl up to me.
The others stand at the door and start to bawl there eyes out.

With my last breathe my only breathe I tell them I love them but I had to do it.
My eyes closed. I went pale and white. The blood from my wrists running down the bathroom drain.

Kat Tozer

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-pain-15/