jkd jkd - Contradictions

'one man's lust is the other's pain' -
right, and it seems
as if there was a fixed amount
of good and bad vibrations
to be kept in a balance

is that why I can't be happy
seeing you swept away by affection?
and why I secretly rejoice
at her reaction to all this well-known neglect?
feeling mean at the same time for doing so
but thus at least keeping the presumed balance...

when actually all of this
is none of my business at all
and I should rather put my emotional lever
regarding this affair on neutral
instead of feeling with, for