Jaryd Stapleton - Oblivion

And I miss you so much

“I’m sorry, we have no records of such a person”

But I was here yesterday

And my head collided with the wall
And I couldn’t believe he was no longer here

Not even a stone to kneel upon
No place for a single flower to go
A denial. A denial! A DENIAL! An ultimate denial of what I knew to be true
Why? Why did you define your exit so?
Your own scrawlings damning me?
Not even a place to visit when I cry inside
You ended it all. But you went one step further. And ended… IT ALL.

A bathroom. A hearse. An ending.
I miss you. And I can’t even acknowledge that. I CAN’T EVEN BE THERE. Where you’re not.
Where you wouldn’t even not be if you were there. But you’re not!

AND IT’S THE END. And all I wanted was to say goodbye. But you’re not even there.
It’s like I’m mourning a non-existent entity.

They lost the file. You lost the plot. I lost our life. They lost your body.
You lost your head. And I lost the plot.

I wish: I could have a dark terrible and sad cemetery to mourn at
BUT I DON’T! I have nothing! Not even an ash! A cinder! A memory! A photo!

And I miss you so much! But you never even existed! Not by record, and not by definition!

Is this what I deserve? Is this how you wanted to go, and how you wanted to leave me?

IT HURTS SO MUCH. But how can it? There’s nothing to feel. No one to mourn.

But I miss you so much. Even though there’s nothing to miss. A CONSTANT CRY. For nothing.

Jaryd Stapleton

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/oblivion-6/