FUNNIEST PUNS EVER

Some of the funnies/worst puns I found on tumblr. JUST BECAUSE I LAUGHED IT DOESN'T MAKE ME A TERRIBLE PERSON. Okay maybe it does. midget jokes.

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List of all my puns, tell me yours in the comments.
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Saw a kidnapping today. Decided not to wake him up though...
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I have a job crushing soft drink cans. It's soda pressing.
Women on their period always ovary act.
A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto.
I hate fishing with Skrillex, he always drops the bass.
I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way.
I love the internet. It's the wifi never had.
I lost my mood ring, I'm not sure how I feel about this.
Went to the shop the other day to buy 6 cans of Sprite. Only when I got home did I realize I'd picked 7up.
Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels.
I heard some hipsters drowned. They must have fell into the mainstream.
How to make holy water: Boil the hell out of it.
Not sure if my wife is leaving over my poker additiction...or if she's just bluffing.
If you were a triangle you'd be acute one.
How did I get out of Iraq? Iran.
How do frogs die? They Kermit suicide
Make little things count. Teach midgets Math.
How did the hipster burn his tounge? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day, but I couldn't find any.
What is Mozart doing right now? De-composing.
Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Some say The Avengers was pretty good...I thought it was MARVELOUS.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.
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lol x