Edgar Albert Guest - Ma And The Auto

Before we take an auto ride Pa says to Ma: 'My dear,
Now just remember I don't need suggestions from the rear.
If you will just sit still back there and hold in check your fright,
I'll take you where you want to go and get you back all right.
Remember that my hearing's good and also I'm not blind,
And I can drive this car without suggestions from behind.'

Ma promises that she'll keep still, then off we gaily start,
But soon she notices ahead a pedlar and his cart.
'You'd better toot your horn,' says she, 'to let him know we're near;
He might turn out!' and Pa replies: 'Just shriek at him, my dear.'
And then he adds: 'Some day, some guy will make a lot of dough
By putting horns on tonneau seats for womenfolks to blow!'

A little farther on Ma cries: 'He signalled for a turn!'
And Pa says: 'Did he?' in a tone that's hot enough to burn.
'Oh, there's a boy on roller skates!' cries Ma. 'Now do go slow.
I'm sure he doesn't see our car.' And Pa says: 'I dunno,
I think I don't need glasses yet, but really it may be
That I am blind and cannot see what's right in front of me.'

If Pa should speed the car a bit some rigs to hurry past
Ma whispers: 'Do be careful now. You're driving much too fast.'
And all the time she's pointing out the dangers of the street
And keeps him posted on the roads where trolley cars he'll meet.
Last night when we got safely home, Pa sighed and said: 'My dear,
I'm sure we've all enjoyed the drive you gave us from the rear!'

Edgar Albert Guest

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