David Keig - Unfortunate Presents

The presents unwrapped from your favourite aunts
Some things that are useful like joke underpants
The unfortunate gifts that you put to one side
As ones for recycling and you're thinking that 'i'd
Never give those to my worst enemies'
The things that don't fit and worst of all these
Decorations for tables that some relative sent
And the perfume from Gladys that's so redolent
Of old ladies and bathrooms you know from your past
And the things that are broken and weren't made to last
The ties from your friends that are best now forgot
The after shave that instantly gave you those spots
Pink fluffy slippers that somebody gave
Franklin Mint replicas nobody saves
Those novelty items of dubious taste
Some chocolates smelling of wallpaper paste
Socks and pyjamas and boxed handkerchieves
Soaps and wax candles and cheap toiletries
The jersey from grandma who knows not your size
The joke books without any humour inside
Ah yes it is Christmas and throughout the land
We're all saying thankyou for things we can't stand.

David Keig

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/unfortunate-presents/