Conchita Mauer - Just Thinking

I swore never again to love,
Never again to care.
Promised myself to rise above –
Empty my soul – nothing – bare.
Yet here I am, again I have fallen.
Almost a year to date as Gypsy,
But Gypsy no more – He is callin’.
With love, he makes me high, makes me tipsy.
I want to believe, I want to trust.
But so long have I been left alone –
It is my trust to believe ‘love’ is a bust.
Has my soul forever been turned to stone?
Please take this thorn from my heart.
Make me believe you, in us.
Don’t make your sweet kiss bitter and tart.
Don’t fall for another ‘her’ – make me fuss.
How do I change how I perceive?
My paranoia plays me….or does it really?
How do I empty my pain into the pensive?
I say I control my hurt, but I know it controls me.
How do I stop being angry, jealous and bitter?
How do I put it behind me, lock that door?
Jealousy adds to my heart unwarranted litter.
But there is so much bitter salt within the sore
It turns my eyes red with rage.
God upon high, absolve my hatred.
Cleanse this soul of mine within its cage,
And help me not to be so cynically jaded.
He is good to me – the patient kind.
An earth angel molded by the sands of passion.
Should I finally allow love to be blind?
Rid my mind, hoping my fears are of irritation?
Though, I can’t help but think this one thought without plan:
So long as I am allowed, I plan to honestly love this one man.

Conchita Mauer

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/just-thinking-14/