Charles Darkly - Insular (When I Am Old)

I remember as a child people would talk
about getting old and they would say their bones rattled
I don't know if I just get different types of aches than them
but my bones never rattle
so much as they just carry the dull ache of age
wherever I go
I don't go too many places these days
they deliver enough to my house
and I spend a good amount of time by myself
Occasionally I do think
it would be nice to have some company
especially when it snows and I don't even
have the option of leaving
Honestly though, I think I resigned myself
to being alone a long time ago
Somehow I knew that the things I did
and the life I led would catch up with me
I knew I would find myself alone
the people who cared about me long gone
either because I outlived them
or they were too hurt to stay
I had this image of myself at a very old age
sitting on a porch, my tired, weathered eyes
taking in sunsets with a tired, bittersweet smile
Each sunset is it's own insular miracle
and each time I see one it reminds me
of how little we understand
how much of this cosmic mystery
will never be accounted for
I was always better at appreciating that
than I was at understanding people
especially those close to me
and for that I am sorry

Charles Darkly

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/insular-when-i-am-old/