Cathy Jackson - Screaming

Sometimes I want to scream
To just open my mouth and SCREAM! !
To snap back at you - when you start blaming me for your problems
Some snappy come-back - just “DEAL WITH IT”
I didn’t cause your problems, so why am I always defending myself?

Why do I let you make me feel like a failure
Why do I just stand there calmly while you belittle me
Call me a liar…
Why do I let you make me feel small…and selfish
And guilty?

“I’m sorry…” - - Why am I apologizing?
I AM pathetic! No wonder you despise me.
You raise your voice and I quiver like a child.

I stand there and smile while you crush my heart with your angry words.
I take you in my arms and hold you,
And rock you to calm your rage
While you scream at me… “I hate you - I hate you! ! ”

I know you don’t mean it - I tell myself that, you don’t really mean it
You’re only angry, and frustrated…
And somehow it’s my fault - though I’m never quite sure - how…

And when your done I walk away,
And find a quiet corner somewhere
And curl up like a small child, and weep in the dark
Where no one can see me,
And no one can hear my silent scream.

2004

Cathy Jackson

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/screaming-6/