C.. W.. - Spin Me

Bear with me.
I’m new at this.
I’ll pretend, fake it.
Even if someone else’s heart
falls apart.
Just for the comfort,
for the shame.
Everything that comes with it.
I want it.
The right to be new,
to become a hypnotic blur.
So I can morph
any way I can.
I just need something,
anything at all.

I want everything to blur.
To forget.
To spin out of control in ecstasy,
not pain.
Elevate me
to a higher place.
Any place.
I want to spin out of control
because I want to.
In ecstasy,
not pain.


Just curious.
Want to see what it’s like.
If touching
is really like they say.
How do I do it?
This way or that?
Doesn’t matter how special.
Doesn’t matter with who.
Not anymore.
If it’s too hard to swallow,
I’ll mask their face
with his.
I just want to see.
Erase the old me.

So what is this love?
I’ll take it any way,
real or fake.
I want to touch.
Just want to see.
Spiral me out of control
in ecstacy, not pain.
Just to runaway
from the old me.
So I can say,
“Look at me, this change.
Am I shiny and new?
Good enough for you? ”

I want it to blur.
Spin until it makes me sick.
I want to
pass out with a smile on my face.
To spiral out of control
because I want to.
Not because I had no control.
Just want to be new.
Maybe then he’ll touch,
the one I really want.
Until I have that,
if I never have that,
I’ll settle for the fake,
and spiral out of control.
Until it’s all a hypnotic blur.
Until I can’t see me anymore.
Maybe then
I’ll wear a smile on my face.

C.. W..

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/spin-me/