Ben Gieske - winter (2 haiku)

cold winter morning
manure pile
freshly brewing

around the campfire
fired-up hearts
another round of song

Published in the Snowdays issue (Jan-Mar 2009) of 3Lights online. See: http: //www.threelightsgallery.com/snowdays/html

Even though these haiku were published, doesn't mean that they could not have been improved as is evident by the following changes suggested by Lillian Thomas.

manure pile
on a winter morning
freshly brewing

This removes the redundant 'cold', has a more balanced short-long-short form, and puts the manure pile in better focus.

Rearranging the second one also improves the form of this haiku and reads more smoothly.

fired-up hearts
another round of song
around the campfire

Ben Gieske

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/winter-2-haiku/