2008 Twenty Years Ago

Today is October 23, 2023 or about 35 years from the day Beth and I got married.

I didn’t want the marriage to end. I wasn’t perfect, but I never cheated on her, never hurt her or the kids, and I never failed to provide. I was at ground zero every day with my family. No job was too great or small for me. I did almost all the cooking, and I always did the dishes. I also took immaculate care of the home, yard, and vehicles. I changed tons of diapers and spent countless hours with each child. You can ask each of them to this day: Did your dad love you, and does he still love you just as much or more now?

So what went wrong?

My confessions: I was too needy in the sex department, and I was too demanding in general. My needs and her fears were like gas on fire. She once told me that she felt she was playing basketball all day long, running back and forth up and down the court, never making a basket because the hoops were too high.

Her confessions: I will not state them here, but I read them when we traded computers after the marriage was over. She forgot to erase some personal documents regarding her youth and the day we got married. What she wrote was very, very heavy and painful for me to read. I was lucky she lasted twenty years. She was a great wife and mother for as long as she could make it. I will give her that. And she’s still a wonderful human being to this day. But she left me. I never saw it coming and it never even crossed my mind.

As much as that hurt me, I swear I feel sorrier for her than for me. She couldn’t escape her past, and I didn’t know enough about it to help her. Instead, I just poured more gas on the fire without understanding any of it.

I’m also sorry, old friend, for the things I did that hurt you. Forgive me.

So, there you go. That’s what this song is about. I was just a boy. She was just a girl. We were in love. She was my world. Twenty years ago. Where did it go?